"I hate that you can ruin my entire day. And I hate that somehow 90% of the time you're the only one that can make it better. I hate that I can't get you out of my head. I hate that I can't hate you. And most importantly...I hate that I'm in love with you."
This is the thing that I've wanted to say to you that has been killing me inside...in case you were wondering and in case you care at all...
And now I say goodbye once again because I know you won't answer and that you don't care. I figured that if we weren't ever going to talk ever again, and the fact that I could die before I told you what was on my mind, that I should do so and get it over with so then I wouldn't die regretting it for the rest of my death. If you do care, even just a tiny bit, it might not get through to me...I'm already decaying on the inside.
I just sent this message to a dear friend of mine of 10 years (we've known each other for a long time. xD), male, who has been ignoring me, and who has apparently been hurting because of me. I begged him on Saturday to come back to hang out with me at a party that is held at my house every first Saturday of the month (not in this case, dad was a couple weeks late this time around), he wouldn't come. It eventually came to me essentially begging to be friends with him because I missed him and I hadn't seen him in awhile and I cared for him. Every message I sent on Facebook was a nice one, and he ignored (but read according to Facebook) and didn't reply to any of them. I honestly believe that he didn't care that we were growing apart and that he lost me as a friend. I honestly think that he didn't give a shit when I finally said goodbye to him on Sunday...
So I was feeling really depressed today, my body made me listen to a streaming list of nonstop Coldplay and Five For Fighting songs that I love that bring tears of sorrow to my eyes, and I ended up with this note. I sent it to him about 7 minutes ago. I don't think he'll see it today...but all I know is...I don't particularly care at this moment. I'm just glad I got that off of my shoulders...even if he doesn't reply....that'll be on his shoulders, not mine anymore.
For anyone out there who is actually reading this and has gotten to this part, I thank you for your time. I know this isn't the best journal entry I could have written, but at least it wasn't something completely meaningless like another one of those quiz thingies that I know most people (x) out of immediately when they see it in their notifications. (I do the same thing except when I'm bored out of my mind.)
Thank you for your time and have a good night...or morning...or afternoon...or some shit like that.